For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
