found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
