do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
