So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
