We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
