i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
