listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
did i walk over a car last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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