new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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