hotel room ftw
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
