so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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