He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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