I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
