My room smells like vodka and shame
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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