I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize