i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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