im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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