You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
