Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
