I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
