Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
