His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
