it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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