Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
