You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
