he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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