I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
