Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
