yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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