U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
