You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
