she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You've changed since you got that strap on
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
