from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just want nice things and good sex
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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