I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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