Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
