Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
