but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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