If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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