It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
