The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
