I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
