Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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