If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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