Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
