I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
