Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
