i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize