when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
