I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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