my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
