so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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