Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
