I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
