U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
