I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
