I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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