I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
