My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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