ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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