How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
