Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
