i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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