nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
