are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
