You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
