Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
