You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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