You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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