I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
