We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize