just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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