then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
