You're completely useless in the revolution.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
