She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
