Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
