Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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