another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
