I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
