I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
