My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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