So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
