Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
