hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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