Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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